Swimming In It

The past few months have been full of ups and downs- my health (thankfully back in a good place!), my house in Bluefields being robbed, adjusting back to life in the states while on medical leave, adjusting back to life in Nicaragua this past month, and stretching and growing and wrestling with the new ways that God is working in my life.  And I wouldn’t change a moment of it.  

I am experiencing God’s love in new and exciting ways.  It has been thick and good and I have just wanted to swim in it.  Some of my favorite times with God are when I am swimming.  That feeling you have when you lay back in water to float and the water just holds you, supports you. But only if you don’t fight it too hard.  That’s God’s love for me.  It surrounds me.  In the good.  and in the bad.  And it is best experienced when I let go of my anxieties and plans, and just rest in His amazing love.  

Being at home was SO good.  I am truly blessed with the greatest family and friends that anyone could ever dream of.  Experiencing the last of winter, the newness of spring, driving with the windows down through gorgeous Chester County.  A time of new connections, strengthening old connections, and just being reminded of how God is moving throughout the world.

And being back in Nicaragua has been good too.  In this transition time in the capital, I have been able to have fun and live life with other MCC volunteers.  I visited with friends in Teustepe, relaxing, talking about life, and just enjoying life.  This past week I acted as translator for a medical team from the states as we held health clinics along the Kukra River- 3 hours by boat southwest from Bluefields.  AMAZING.  Such a great group of folks to hang out with.  Such beauty.  SO HUMBLED by the gracious Nicaraguans that we were there to serve, their struggles, their love.  I could go on and on.  

I am SO grateful.

 

God is moving in new ways in my life, leading me in new directions.  It is exciting.  It is terrifying.  But more than anything, it is truly BEAUTIFUL.

Live BIG.

My dear friend Amy made a comment in passing today about my “big personality.”  I immediately called her on it, asking if she really thought that about me.  And her reply was to the effect of “Yeah, well, with people that you really know.”  And this has got me thinking…

There are so many things in life that keep us small, quiet, separated, boxed up.  I am an introvert by nature and I do love how that adds to who I am.  But there is a HUGE difference between being introverted and being clamped down.  And I think that maybe, just maybe, I have been letting a whole lot of things keep me small (Let’s be honest, there is no maybe. I know this to be true).  Not that I don’t have my moments; and not that I have more of those moments than I did say five years ago.  I mean, let’s face it, I sold nearly all of my belongings and moved to Nicaragua.  So there’s definitely a good chance that I got some spunk somewhere.

But most of all, I want to LIVE big, to LOVE big.  I love and serve a BIG God and He’s got this.  All of my fears and all of my worries, they’re nothing.  It’s true, I can’t do any part of this thing called life all by myself.  But with God, life can be full of possibilities IF I let go and trust.  And that is what He is calling me to.  It’s what He is calling all of us to.  So today I am declaring ENOUGH ALREADY!  It is time to LIVE- 

Today, humble Today, presents itself to us with all the ceremony and bling of a glittering diamond ring: Wear me, it says. Wear me out. Love me, dive into me, discover me, it pleads with us.  ~ Shauna Niequist

And for those of you who think of me as quiet and well-mannered, here is just a little glimpse of that “big” personality Amy might have been referring to (and well, I’m just going to pretend that I’m not mortified sharing it with you):

 

So if I’m being TOTALLY honest, you are completely going to have to remind me that I just declared to leave my Life-Limiting fears out on the curb with the rest of my garbage because well, sometimes they just have a way of creeping back up.  So thanks in advance.

 P.S.

And I promise this blog a little more appealing in time, but let’s face it, I’ve been putting off creating one for a good year, so I’ve gotta start somewhere!